


The Heart of It All

by reignofdreams



Series: FFXIV Write 2020 [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: FFXIV Write 2020, Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood Spoilers, Gen, Light Angst, Miqo'te Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Named Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Post-Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood, Pre-Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26255539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reignofdreams/pseuds/reignofdreams
Summary: "Why you?"Sometimes the simple questions have the most difficult answers.
Series: FFXIV Write 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907458
Collections: #FFxivWrite2020 Final Fantasy 30 Day Writing Challenge





	The Heart of It All

**Author's Note:**

> My submission for Day 1 of [FFXIV Write 2020](https://ffxiv-write.carrd.co/). Prompt 1: Crux

Aja finds him perched in his favorite spot, one of the stone towers overlooking Porta Praetoria. He’s surprised by her presence. The Keeper’s distaste for heights is usually enough to guarantee him a place to flee her harsh (if warranted) lectures. Or at the very least, she sends Jelme in her stead, and _he_ at least keeps things short and to the point.

“You know you’re quite predictable when you get into these broody little moods,” Aja casually begins. C’tala watches in his periphery as she approaches, notes the careful way she sits slightly behind his position and studiously avoids looking past the ledge. “You dragoons and your heights.”

He doesn’t miss the way her inky blue tail swishes nervously, though it’s less noticeable against the rust colored stone beneath the cover of night.

“I’ll have you know,” he offers playfully, “these heights offer the best view of the stars.”

“And what does a Seeker care for the stars, hmm?”

It’s a familiar jab, one that usually leads to some friendly sniping back and forth. Tonight, he can’t muster any taunts.

_Don’t you dare leave me alone._

_Not now...Not...like..._

C’tala can’t shake the pleading in Alisaie’s voice, the uncharacteristic vulnerability as she made him promise. The desperation in her voice, the hand outstretched and unmet in the moments before she too succumbed to unnatural slumber.

“Tala, hey? Still with me, sunshine?” A frown mars Aja’s usually smooth brow, big green eyes nearly glowing as they flick intently over his form. 

Black ears flick back as he gives her a sheepish nod in reply. “Sorry,” he mutters, “just got a little lost in my head.”

Aja draws her knees to her chest, chin resting lightly atop them as she stares out over the Loch Seid at the proud silhouette of Ala Mhigo in the distance. C’tala follows her gaze, letting her have the time to gather her thoughts. 

“Tauri is worried about you,” she finally says. “We all are.” He opens his mouth to reassure her but she cuts him off before his lips even form the words. “If the next words out of your mouth are ‘I’m fine’, I will set your tail on fire.”

He’s pretty sure the threat is an empty one, but swallows his words nonetheless.

“Why are you here?”

His head whips towards her, jaw slack. “What?”

“You heard me,” she huffs. “Why are you _here_?”

“I…” he isn’t sure that he understands what she’s asking, so he goes with the obvious. “Raubahn wanted to go over strategy. I thought I’d rest a moment before meeting him?”

Aja snorts. “This is not rest. This is brooding.”

“And why are _you_ here, Aja?” he counters, the words a bit harsher than intended.

She ignores his tone and presses on. “Krile and Tauri are in Revenant’s Toll looking after Alisaie, Alphinaud and the rest of the Scions, and here you are across the continent trying to single-handedly turn the tides of war.”

“That’s not—The Alliance is fighting too,” he replies, though it’s weak even to his own ears.

“And what about when something goes wrong? What if Varis or the Ascian take the field, then what?” Aja insists. “Can you look at me and tell me that you wouldn’t go rushing out to meet them on your own?”

“What would you have me do, abandon them?!” C’tala growls, tail bristling.

“Of course not!” Aja snaps back, her own tail flicking with agitation. “None of us want that. But what about you?”

The fight whooshes out of him. “What about me?” he sighs.

Aja’s gaze softens and she inches closer, reaching so that she can turn his face to hers. He lets her, allowing himself to soak in the warmth of her touch. “We see you, Tala. We see how exhausted you are, the way you’re just shutting down.” She smiles sadly at him. “Dez complains constantly that you won’t dance with him and Inej anymore.”

C’tala looks away. He tries to ignore all the pain her words bring to the fore, ignores overtaxed muscles and the low constant ache at the base of his skull these episodes have left. He valiantly avoids any thought of when he last had a moment to just breathe and process everything that has happened.

“I can’t just leave them,” he whispers.

She nods. “Maybe not this time. But what about the next battle, the next crisis? Why does it always have to be you?”

And that’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it? The ‘why’ at the heart of it all? 

Why me?

It sounds so very selfish and inane. He did not ask to receive Hydaelyn’s blessing, but what does that matter?

The easy answer is ‘I’m the only one that can’, but that isn’t always true. Eorzea is full of people willing to fight to lift others up, to do good where they can. Certainly primals and Ascians are exceptions, but politics and cross-continental wars are not something that require the Warrior of Light’s intervention. Often, his presence just seems to complicate things further. And yet…

“Because I can give them hope,” he replies softly. Aja’s ears perk slightly but she doesn’t interrupt. “Maybe they can handle things themselves, but even the strongest can be ground down over time.” 

He thinks of the villagers in Yanxia, the resistance at Rhalgr’s Reach...Hien and Aymeric and all those like them who have pushed forward even with the odds stacked against them.

“If my being there can give someone hope where they had none, if I can give others the will to keep fighting long enough for help to arrive, then it’s worth it.” He gives his friend a small smile. “How can I do anything else when I know that I could help?”

“You’ve given so much of yourself already. You give and you _give_ , more often than not for causes that are not even your own.” Aja levels him with an unblinking stare, eyes luminous in the dark. “What about what _you_ want, what you need? When will it be _enough_ , C’tala?”

He doesn’t have an answer to any of those questions.

Aja sighs and stands, edging farther back from the edge as she pulls out her whistle and summons her ruby chocobo to her side. “Just...think about it, alright?” she implores, hoisting herself nimbly into the saddle. “We just want you to be happy too.”

C’tala gives her what he hopes is a reassuring nod. “Thanks, Aja.”

“Be careful,” she says, before urging her bird into the air.

He can’t help the small huff of laughter as her grip tightens on the reigns. He’ll have to pick up some caramels to make it up to her.

The smile falls from his lips as he gives the city of Ala Mhigo one last long look. Raubahn should be ready to see him and no matter what he told Aja, C’tala is itching to wrap things up here and return to his friends’ bedsides. Whatever comes, it is his duty as a Scion to finish what they started. And if the Emperor or the Ascians do take the field, well, he will deal with that as well.

He has to.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first writing in this fandom and I'm honestly thrilled to be here. FFXIV is an amazing game and I have so many ideas I want to explore.  
> Some entries in this series may likely become part of a larger one, but for now, everything can also stand alone.
> 
> Come yell with me on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/reignofdreams) (or [Tumblr](http://reignofdreams.tumblr.com))!


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